Today, I am having no luck in shutting off parts of my brain and ignoring emotions I don’t want to feel. Maybe I never do. Maybe some days I’m only numb and never realize it because I’ve become so good at putting up walls to keep things in place.
Some moments the truth slaps me in the face and forces me to face reality. And if I’m being honest with myself, then the truth is I’m not okay with things that have happened and are happening now. I believe there is plenty of good mixed in with the bad, but the problem is me pretending there isn’t any bad, or downplaying how bad it can feel at times.
I wish that I could be open with even just one person. A lack of openness and love, and trust drain me. I need to feel, share, and give… just to be in the presence of someone who cares and understands would make all the difference. How can a person like me thrive in a dark place that only sucks the heart right out of you, and doesn’t even acknowledge your spirit?
I want trust and love, with honest emotions, vulnerability, an intimate connection with someone who does more than scratch the surface before thinking they know or love me. Someone that hears more than words. Someone whose eyes and heart can reach the depths of my soul. And I have no clue where you are. Close to me or far off in some place I’ve never been. But I hope you get here soon.
“Keep your head up and make it to me.” – ♡
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