Some nights I’m thinking “please, please, please cut these strings!” But I wouldn’t survive without the connection I feel to this world. The same thing that kills me makes me feel alive. And the thing is, it hurts like hell some days. Sometimes I can’t figure it out. But I keep going, and the next day or month I feel stronger and more alive. Maybe it’s a roller-coaster and I fall down a lot, but I know I can take it because I feel an overwhelming sense of purpose even in my toughest moments. It’s impossible to quit. I can think about giving up on myself, but giving up on everyone else isn’t something I could accept. There’s so much work to do. So many people that can’t deal and can’t get back up after every curveball life throws at them. I feel selfish when I get hung up on my own problems, especially compared to what others are dealing with. And I try to put things in perspective. Of course I want someone to think about me too! And love me the way I’ve dreamed of! I always want that. Maybe someone will. Maybe someone already does. All I know is if anyone else needs help, I want to be that person. Thinking about everyone else. Not neglecting my own needs, but always being selfless. Living with an open heart and open arms! No matter how much this world attempts to beat me down. This is about so much more than me. It sounds terrifying, but I’ll keep on loving and dreaming and fighting even when it breaks my heart.
“Compassion hurts. When you feel connected to everything, you also feel responsible for everything and you cannot turn away. Your destiny is bound with the destinies of others. You must either learn to carry the Universe or be crushed by it. You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors.” –Andrew Boyd
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