You’ll never remember the things I’ll never forget. You’ll never feel the feelings that I feel. You broke my heart and somehow I was angry that we never made love and said goodbye… because that’s what it felt like knowing you. That short eternity when we were happy and warm. We felt good together even when we weren’t together. When miles and minds separated us. We felt so right together. Was it all a dream? Were you ever truly mine at all?
Sometimes I’m angry with myself for missing you. How can I still miss you? I missed you even though you went cold on me. Even when your emotions went dry my love was an ocean for you. I’ve never been this exposed in my life. I risked it all only to feel this way. I opened up and felt wanted, only to feel unwanted a hundred times multiplied. Did we ever feel as good as I imagine we did then? Did you ever love me that deeply? Love me for more than the love I had for you. Or was it only something new?
I showed you my naked soul and realized that maybe you had never truly seen me yet. It’s so frustrating. It was so exhausting to love you. But I loved you anyway… and in the end I’m stuck with dreams of you. I often dream that I’m staring at you and reaching out to you. I keep saying your name. But you won’t even look at me. Why won’t you look at me? Why do I still dream about you? It feels so unfair.
They say “People leave.” I know. I’ve lived it. I dream it. They leave and leave and leave. If there’s one thing I understand, it’s that. But I’m just so angry that you left and it never bothered you as much as it hurt me. And now I’m haunted by this ending with a person that I’ve loved infinitely. How do you sleep without the silence ever crossing your mind? I guess it’s easy for people like you. Sometimes I wish I was more like you. Then, I would never dream or write or even think about you.
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