I went home to find a reason but all I found was more loneliness because I couldn’t be honest about my pain or my humiliation for never feeling like I was enough. One of the most humiliating things is believing you have a special bond or relationship with someone and then they throw you away like you never mattered at all. Leave without ever saying a word. What did I do wrong this time?! My heartbreak has been a constant reminder of failure in my life and relationships. I’ve never quite had the courage to share the depths of my pain and how hard I’ve fought to be okay. To give everything I have and love to the fullest extent, even when that love isn’t always reciprocated. I always felt too fragile for this world, so I learned not to expose myself because the world could be very cruel for someone like me. And my god, I learned it the hard way over and over again. Why keep trying to be open and honest? Why soften and expose my heart to anyone? I guess I’ve been holding on to the belief that what you put out is what you get back. Heartbreak has been a silent monster, slowly eating me alive. Stealing my light. Some days I don’t remember who I used to be but maybe it’s not all that important anymore.
– I am an ancient soul, in a modern body, with a futuristic state of mind.#SYLM
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