I wonder if you’ll remember the things I’ll never forget. Or feel the feelings that I feel. You broke my heart and somehow I was angry that we never made love or got to say goodbye in our own special way… because every moment of being with you felt like making love, whether we were locked in an embrace or just existing. For a short eternity I was happy and warm. We felt good together even when we weren’t together. When miles and minds separated us you still came to me and we felt so right together. Was it all a dream? Were you ever really with me?
Sometimes I’m angry with myself for missing you. How can I still miss you? I missed you even though you went cold on me. Even when your emotions went dry my love was an ocean for you. I’ve never felt so exposed in my life. I risked it all only to feel this way. I opened up and felt wanted, only to feel unwanted a hundred times multiplied. Did we ever feel as good as I imagine we did then? Did you ever love me that deeply? Love me for more than the love I had for you. Or was it only something new?
I showed you my naked soul and realized that maybe you had never truly loved me in the light of day. It’s so frustrating because I believed and loved you anyway… and in the end I’m stuck with dreams of you. I often dream that I’m staring at you and reaching out to you. You smile and disappear. I keep saying your name. But you won’t even look at me. Why won’t you look at me? Why do I still dream about you? It feels so unfair.
They say “People leave.” I know. They leave and leave and leave. If there’s one thing I understand, it’s that. But I’m just so angry that you left and it never bothered you as much as it hurt me. And now I’m haunted by this ending with a person that I’ve loved infinitely. How do you sleep without the silence ever crossing your mind? I guess it’s easy for people like you. Sometimes I wish I was more like you. Then, I would never dream or write or even think about you. How do you get it all out when you bottle it all up?
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