Say You Love Me

I keep thinking I’ll finally write the words that will give me closure or a sense of saying goodbye but when I try I can hardly make it past the first few words without tears streaming down my face. I mean I will probably never get the closure or conversation I wish I could have with you. I am not even sure where we stand but I guess the answer lies there, in all the holes you left in my life. My heart is a black, shriveled thing and the only emotions I can identify with is loneliness and rejection. Maybe even embarrassment. When I am through typing this I’ll wipe the tears from my face and sit down to eat dinner and pretend that I am not falling apart inside. Not that there is anyone to pretend for. I’ve been carrying on for months… afraid that it just may be too much to come back from if I allow myself to feel it all.