Having my guard up sometimes keeps me from being my true self or opening up completely in relationships. If I can’t give you everything you’ll hardly get anything. I treat everyone with respect and kindness and I try to be open but there are very few people who know me inside and out, that could tell you my favorite things or my personality quirks and mannerisms. I love getting to know new people but I have no interest in superficial or shallow relationships, so it isn’t often that I have the close relationships or friendships that create a safe space for me to let my guard down. With everything going on in the world and personal stress, it feels even harder to connect and open up lately. I don’t talk about the pain or uncertainty I’ve felt and I wish I could just say how I feel and scream or cry if I have to just to let it all out and unburden my heart. At the end of each day, I long for intimacy and comfort and closeness. I think of what it is like to feel safe with someone in the depths and loved beyond the surface. To not feel my guard coming up but to be vulnerable. Just to be a soft without being ridiculed and to be seen without the fear of rejection❤️ That’s what I think of when I close my eyes.
“Opening up your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes, dreams… That is being naked.” – Rob Bell
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