I used to enjoy the simple things like falling asleep cradling a good book or reading poetry while sipping a cup of chamomile tea. I never asked for much but peace. And love, it always felt out of reach so I tried not to give it so much attention. I fell in love with words and books and the sky. I never felt alone in my own company but one day falling in love again changed everything. I’ve always dreamed of love and my life being full of it. I wanted to be married in my early 20s with a huge family. If I could have it my way I’d be on baby #5 and have the career I wanted as a screenwriter or best-selling author. I got out of my head and came back to myself again after falling in love with you. But life has a funny way of never working out the way I plan. This feels like a crossroads moment for me. I fell in love and believed again in a life that felt unattainable. Now, some days I feel more hopeless than ever. I’m older and less idealistic but still young at heart. I crave something deeper than this reality. Maybe it’s time to blow everything up and start over. And love… I’m sure it’ll find me and leave some more. Loving you was like finding a good book that I never wanted to end. But at the end of the day, I can’t stop living or stop finding new books to read. I can’t stop the pain but I can learn to be stronger than I’ve ever been. And one day when the rain pours maybe I’ll dance in it anyway.
“Love, love, love… anything can be love.
And anywhere can be home, home”
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